5 Books Every Asshole Needs To Own

*Update 2016: I erased my original introduction because it read like a men's rights advocate blog. The rest I left.


Well, there's a guide for the no shit taking gold medalist in every event but the losery ones in all of us. Somewhere in these books, your unlimited potential is waiting to spray paint the world around you with phallic depictions signed by your name.

First Runner up....

Debauchery: Defined

For every single guy in his upper 20's that has discovered that being shit faced 90% of the time is the key to success. For the man who dreams about the walk of shame more than the walk down the aisle. Let Aaron Karo redefine what you call "heading to the bar" and shape it into "A failure-proof poon hunting session at the Fat Toad". It's like letting your junk wear a gladiator suit and do all the talking for you.

For the misogynist in all of us.....

 It DOES exist

It's not like you needed this book to teach you anything that you didn't already know just by surviving to see 21, but the articulation is masterful. Your manly instinct has skillfully taught you what all those adults and self help books tried to drown out with their lies, men have contributed every last thing that helps move society forward. An infectious world of knowledge await beyond the front page of this book.

For the Science minded individual.....

The Science of Getting Your Way

The only self-help book you will every need before you truly skirt through life...helping yourself. Let me ask you a question? The asshole in every movie you saw in the 80's got the girl, made the team, had the money, and at the end, lost it all. Well this book will teach you to live that life without the sad ending for little girls and emotional types. At work, at school, at home, in someone elses home, in your bosses office, in the daughter of your bosses bedroom, the science of getting your way.

For the Aspiring Asshole....

One of The First of Its Kind

This book has already proven it's educational vigor by selling over 1,000,000 copies since it came out. It should be made illegal to be able to call yourself a man and unlawful to use your testicles for anything ever if you haven't read this book first. From learning to cop a feel to educating yourself on the different and completely reasonable uses for violence, this book is where you should start.

And the winner is.....

  This book raped Tucker Max against his will.

If ever there was a book that was written for the sole purpose of making you the most diabolical GHB slipping piece of shit you or anyone you know has ever met than this, my friends, was written by the Prince of Darkness himself. Exploiting every known social courtesy you have ever been taught and turning it into a tool for evil, this book is a one way road to never trusting anyone but yourself and getting shit done. Not for the light hearted or the no....ball having... I guess... Read at your own risk!